If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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