Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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