it hurts more in the daytime
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
