Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
