My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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