So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
