I just threw up on my dentist
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
