i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
