Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
