So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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