capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
