I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
