Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
