we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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