I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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