On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A bitchslap is in order.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
