The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
