To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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