You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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