i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
