Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
