I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
