just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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