But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
