I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize