hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
