He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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