My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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