I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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