i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
