Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
