mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
40s are totally the cure
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Bring me that man meat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
