They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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