Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
