what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
