these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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