I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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