Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
