he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
