there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
