ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
