I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
