U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
