i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
