i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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