so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
