Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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