I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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