and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
