she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
