someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
