I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
