So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
