Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
