just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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